Life as a Single Carer

I was a single mum to my own children. Not an ideal situation, but one I found myself in. Life was not always easy. Providing for my girls financially, practically, and emotionally. Everything came down to me, which was a huge responsibility. And despite not being great at asking for help, I managed.

I’m lucky and proud to say I now have two beautiful adult daughters. While their upbringing wasn’t always traditional, they grew up watching me juggle everything on my own. I see my independence and work ethic reflected in them. They gained a different perspective and set of skills as a result.

When I began my foster journey, the agencies I approached were keen to take me on as a Single Carer. I was surprised but delighted. Ready for my new future to begin. I chose Calon Cymru as I’d heard such good things about them and loved that they were so local to me.

From the first meeting with the manager, I instantly knew I had chosen the right company. The assessment for becoming a carer takes about 6 months. But the benefit of being just one person means it’s a bit faster! The social worker I was assigned was amazing. I felt instantly at ease and the process didn’t seem so daunting. Very early on she was convinced that I was very capable of doing this alone. That reassurance was invaluable. Especially as I was on my own, having a partner that was in my corner, allowed me to believe I could do this.

It’s easy to focus on the challenges of being a single carer, but it’s also very rewarding. Because I am by myself, I see the direct impact of all the work I put in. Those achievements are mine alone. That’s what motivates me to deal with the next hurdle we face.

With my own 2 children, I never wanted them to miss out, so I probably over compensated, we were always out and about, we travelled, we explored, and we always had our own Adventures. That need has never left me and now my foster children are experiencing that. Obviously, we are slightly limited as to what we can do, but I am excited to get on a plane with them and see the world through these new sets of eyes.

This Christmas we are staying in a wooden Toblerone house (their description) in Cornwall, hoping to jump in the sea Boxing Day then spending New Year’s Eve in Trafalgar Square, being able to create new adventures and memories for ALL of us is precious. But of course, sometimes it can be exhausting. When everything is down to you, there’s not much relief. You have to make all the decisions and rules and implement them alone without reassurance or advice from a partner. There’s also a lot that comes with running a happy home for two teenagers, shopping, cooking, chores and even DIY! Let alone clothing two growing kids, all the clubs, managing social media and teenage drama.

The one-year anniversary was particularly tricky, we went through a couple of weeks were we had to address vaping, shoplifting and various other things which even surprised me, it felt never ending, I questioned my abilities, reached out to those closest to me and sought support from my professional, and once again we moved on. Sometimes the path has a few twists and turns in it, but generally we plod along it, and sometimes skip!!!!

It’s important to take well-earned respite when you can. Everyone returns feeling rejuvenated and ready to face the challenges ahead. It’s also okay to feel overwhelmed. I’ve come to learn that it’s because I care for them and their wellbeing and want the very best for them. In those moments, you need to reach out for support. Whether that’s friends and family or the professional team you have around you.

That network of people around you will help you become a successful carer. Talking to other single foster carers, your peers, is also crucial. They understand the ups and downs. I belong to several confidential groups where we can chat, share knowledge, support or catch up for a coffee. Sometimes you just need another voice to validate decisions you’ve made.

I am proud to be a single carer. My foster children’s achievements feel like my achievements. I can see the difference I’m making every day. And even though I’m doing this singlehandedly, I never feel like I’m alone.